His Bad Mother

My son has mastered the hateful diaper-change squirm in the last couple weeks. To date I had failed to locate the proper household item with which to placate him. Unlike his sister he showed little interest in such contraband items as Penaten tubes, or nail polish bottles. Even spikey hair accessories and manicure tools failed to delight.

My children -- apparently -- think 'real toys' are for chumps.

But I have now nailed it. I found the item to focus his attention enough to provide that window of peace to make ass wiping tolerable again.. and it is a bad choice. Yep it is a big bottle just like this...



I guess I am trying to get in the running for, with all due respect, his bad mother. But it is perfect the red cap, the ribbed edged of itchy gums, the maraca quality shake-shake-shake of it all? Alas.