Open Letter to Shaw Cable

Dear Sirs/Mesdames:

I have been a customer of yours since 1990. I thank you for the many hours of middlebrow entertainment I have enjoyed/endured during that period. In consideration for your fine service I have paid my monthly accounts in a reasonably timely manner and I have not strayed from the fold. I thought, perhaps foolishly, that counted for something. I have now learned, much to my chagrin, it does not.

I do not expect you read this blog. Few do. Plus, you are a large and faceless corporation. What do you care of kool-aid blogs, even of the Jonestown variety? Had you been reading, you would have noted we are fans of the Canucks. That is to say, we are masochists. Had you been reading, you would have noted we planned to attend game 2 of the recently concluded series with Dallas. We attended. You are likely aware the Canucks sucked monkeys that night. Many many monkeys.

You are also likely aware the Canucks played game 7 of the series last night and won. This ended many seasons of playoff futility. Given my predeliction to suffering we planned to view the game. Our children, being the cooperative little souls they are, went to bed by 7pm, meaning we could watch the last 2 periods uninterrupted. We were excited. We couldn't hide it.

Imagine our disappointment when we discovered we had no cable. Imagine our annoyance when we called your customer service department to discover 1: our account is in order, and 2: you cut our cable earlier in the day. Our 2 year old daughter, on hearing of the TV problem, has now confessed to monkeying with the remote. "I broke the TV" she says as we try desperately to disabuse her of this notion. She may require counselling. As of this typing, you have failed to rectify your error. We have no idea when you will because you will not tell us.

Allow me to say this, oh mighty cable company: you smoke cock and you've got a pack-a-day habit. Nothing short of tickets to the next game will resolve this. Four tickets. And not in the nosebleeds.

Sincerely,

p-man