Friday, December 30, 2005

Simple Rules for Children

After my expulsion from kindergarten I was sent to a local RC-run school for some book learnin' and discipline (but not the good type). Among the many fine lessons I learned there (how to recite the rosary, how to feed and clean a catamite), how to submit to authority meekly and without the need for beatings, and of course the top ten list of dos and don'ts (well, just don'ts). As a child (as opposed to "as a childish adult") I found these ten things to be, for the most part, remote and meaningless: Why would I covet my neighbour's wife? I'm six. Now, of course, I view this list as something of a road map.

Since I have no plans to send baby e to an RC school, or a school run by some other assortment of sexually repressed men in dresses, the big ten will have to wait until they can be contextualized. In the meantime, I intend to produce a list of Simple Rules for Children, which I'll introduce to e, that are by no means meant to codify social norms, even if they do, nor are they intended to usurp the role of any deity, deities, their heirs, assigns, or agents, in keeping us mortals in line. Nope. I will, if you're out there, take suggestions which I will likely ignore or attempt to appropriate.

Simple Rule #1: Paint not these walls with the contents of thine diaper.

PMO

3 Comments:

Blogger Granny said...

I used to have a wall painter. I can hardly wait for Rule #2.

You're on L.'s blogroll (I bet you already knew that).

We all read a lot of the same things.

10:11 PM  
Anonymous MIM said...

Yup. That's a good one.

7:31 PM  
Blogger L. said...

Never say never -- did I ever think my kids would attend RC school? I would have laughed heartily at the very idea... but then my husband was transferred to a city in which public school placement is determined by people spinning a giant roulette wheel (they wouldn`t even promise to place the kids in the same school), and a year of private school costs more than the new car I now drive.
And you know what they do in their art class at RC schools now? They write on the walls with poop, and make really cool fecal frescoes. You gotta see it to believe it.

10:10 PM  

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