Monday, February 06, 2006

I Fought the In-Law (and Nobody Won)

Mothers-in-law are... the word, hmm... insane? overbearing? one step from being throttled? Oh, that's five, nevermind, mas-in-law are SPECIAL. If you are a mother in law, and you are reading this, I am sure this sentiment does not apply to you.

We returned recently from 3 special days in Armpit (not its real name) where we attended a family funeral (on mo-wo's side) and stayed at P-ma's (not her real name). For the astute mind-reading connecting-the-dotters among you (all 3 of you) (please, don't leave- we need you) that's right! It was a double-barreled in-law hyphenated funeral weekend o'fun for mo-wo and this writer.

Mo-wo, e, and I traveled by 'plane to the airport nearest Armpit (somewhere near the crotch of the province) with Mere et Pere Wo. Wo is I. Because Mo-wo is one of the three readers referred to above, I will say little else, other than to say my in-laws scarce deserve the animus I tend to feel towards them, except maybe Mo-ma, not just for her inexplicable collection of 20th C. abstract expressionist works, but her inability to do things the way I want her to do them without me having to tell her in the first place. Scandalous.

We spent our time in Ponyland with my mother who, notwithstanding the fact she raised her children in the bourgeois west side of this city, informs she is a "revolutionary." Mo-wo, who is some kind of socialist person who will, if elected, take away your cars and make you all ride trains, has some disagreement with this rather disingenuous position, which is easy to hold, if you spend your time tending ponies, renovating, and painting landscapes. In brief, Mo-wo and P-ma go together like tanning booths and colostomy bags.

Mo-wo, who is a polite guest, released her contents when we returned home. (What a shitty analogy. The pun is even worse- will I ever learn?) I found it difficult to offer unqualified support to the -wo because a) she was taking about my mommy, and b) I am SUCH a pussy.

In spite of my own failings as a spousal unit, I cannot deny there was no shortage of unhelpful observation and critique as to parenting efforts from the P-ma and it has not escaped my consideration that Mo-wo could have pointed out that at least her kid doesn't have any criminal and/or carceral background, although I suppose that comparison would be unfair given e's tender age and if you want to get technical the behaviours in question can hardly be labeled as criminal in the absence of any trials or convictions and a pardon is no mere technicality people! And so on. However she did not and here I am with the knuckles dragging & c.

I guess, if I am trying to say something here, which I may be, there is a special place for the in-laws. Iceland. I don't know if we blame them for instilling or somehow fostering in our partners the really annoying traits possessed by our partners (which I have seen suggested) (no, really) or if they are just plain annoying. In the case of my relatives I expect it is the latter. Is there a legal solution? No. Is this going anywhere? No, it isn't- and I am at something of an emotional nadir here, and I haven't the energy to vent in the manner to which I am accustomed. My humble apologies.

P-man out.


Anonymous brianwho? said...

Yesterday I put a post on our blog about how troubling it is that my mother and mother-in-law read our blog, and also about blog safety and whether Heather & I should be using cool aliases (like, say, "mo-wo" and "p-man"). My mother in law replied with this unbelievable comment about how unsafe blogging is, and how "if [LAST NAME] appears anywhere in this blog" a pedophile would find and hunt us down. Except that she actually put in our last name. And then she requested that we create a completely separate blog, just for her. I'm not kidding. Cuz, you know, blogging is easy. Right.

Iceland, indeed.

7:51 a.m.  
Blogger Andrea said...

I will not even start ranting about my in-laws. We also have to deal with the whole cutural differences and AUGH!!!!!!!!!

11:48 p.m.  
Blogger stefanierj said...

ROTFL just from the "go together like tanning beds and colostomy bags" line alone. An epic post.

12:19 p.m.  

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