Ass Wednesday

Mo- and I have reconciled to the fact I cannot survive on my own, so no splinter-blogs here. Together, forever, ladada da dum...

Still plus as well, too I get to have a "feature". Aaaa feeeaturrrre ,intones the younger, lesser-known brother of Bruce Buffer, wondering what the big two syllable word means, without thinking the word 'syllable', which is an even longer word, and therefore more inscrutable, which is even more difficult to interpret, or... sort out, and at last he is on familiar territory, no wait, 'firm ground', and he can enjoy the fine UFC match he is announcing, wherein one contestant is using his "diet supplement"-strength to tear the arms off his opponent, who is too manly to tap out, because "it's only a flesh wound", while Bruce Buffer's younger brother contemplates the raw beauty of the parabolic arcs described by the arterial blood now jetting from the stumps of the defeated yet resolute combatant (well, Joe, I'm sorry that I lost the fight, and my arms, but I have no shame in losing- I left it all in the ring) and splattering across the canvas of the ring, where it pools, glistening in the glare of the arc lights.

The feature, such as it is, is called "Ass Wednesday", after a recent post of mine where I noted my lovely and forthright spouse had suggested I move out into my own blog. I suggested names, and I was overwhwelmed by your response, people! By a clear majority of 2 votes to none, from a total of two votes, Ass Wednesday came out on top. I hereby 'shout out' (what the fuck? I can't type it without wincing.) my thanks to a lady who types like Catherine Denueve and to someone who is not afraid to identify himself as a lawyer in Texas (that is, as either a lawyer, or a resident of the republic).

I would have forged ahead on my own thus acceding to my wife's request that I stop dragging her down with my incessant whining and bi-digital typing, damnit, she was getting tired of wiping spittle off the computer screen, but for the fact I have the technological skills of a learning-impaired mollusc. Mo- realised sending me out on my own would be the internet equivalent of dumping a box of puppies on a highway where they would bark and yelp and look cute until crushed horribly by some kind of vehicle driven by some kind of driver who will forever be known as "Puppy Killer" regardless of his or her milieu. God Damned Puppy Killer; Rev. Puppy Killer; Grandma Puppy Killer; Kappa Phi Puppy Killer; Most Righteous Puppy Killer.

So, Back to the Feature, starring Dirk Benedict and that funny-looking kid from tv, you know the one. It will occur weekly, each Wednesday, weather permitting. Mo- assures me it will be a ratings wonder, on account of it happening each Wednesday, and being a feature and all. I have every confidence it will work wonders for this blog, this family, and this fair dominion of ours and in short order too! Just you wait. As soon as I find a unifying theme, that is. Not "yahooligans", not images of Victorian-era children dressed in rags, not a monthly paean pandering to my infant daughter and to the sensitivities of the reader... but what? It's just a matter of time before I figure it out. Or you can tell me what you think I should revolve this "feature" around, since I am bereft of ideas at the moment. Charity begins at home. Resistance is futile...