Thursday, March 02, 2006

Conflicted


Friends of ours were delivered of a lovely new baby girl yesterday. It really got me thinking about how, well, uhm, "We are going to have another baby really freakin' soon!" I think you guys know this was NOT my idea. I swore I would not get roped into having more kids than we could handle just to respond to the predictable temptation to get credit for prior learning.

Oh my god, we are so not up to it. I am dragging my ass through this pregnancy. I am a daily f'up at work. The cleaning gods aren't coming this week and I am consumed with dread because I have to do something myself. My daughter has had pizza for dinner two days in a row. Don't think that ain't gonna come back and bite me right in the genie. And the other kid is not even here yet! Whiners like us just don't rate at the level above -- what one uncharitable peer labels -- hobby parenting. I am afraid?

If I settle into a rational assessment, I am really quite mad. Mad at the system of parenting in place. Mad at the childcare choices I have had to make this last year. I am mad to be leaving my work, no matter how less good a job I do now over my previous existence. I am especially mad I have to make changes in my life. I am a Thoroughly Modern Millie over here and I do this all with mixed feelings.

But I suppose there is no backing out now, huh? And, when I go visit the new girl tomorrow night you can be sure all I'll want is for July to be here soon soon soon.

7 Comments:

Blogger stefanierj said...

Welll, you might just have won yourself a bag since the nuthatch's Expected Date of Arrival is none other than...MY BIRTHDAY!! But I'm hoping you and your brilliant hubster will still try and think of a tag line for me anyway...

4:41 AM  
Blogger Lumpyheadsmom said...

"hobby parenting." That's magnificent.

8:06 AM  
Blogger L. said...

I, too, really love that term -- "hobby parenting." I wonder what that makes my family? It`s not a hobby -- more of a... no, don@t go there.

You sound like me when we decided to go for a third kid, and conceived him on our very first try. The following nine months were filled with thoughts like, "Are we fucking CRAZY? What were we thinking? What will this do to our well-ordered life? Wait -- I mean, our already DISordered life?"

My kids had pizza 2 days in a row, and tonight we`re having... con dogs! Okay, Trader Joe`s meatless soy dogs, but convenience food nonetheless.

10:21 AM  
Blogger mo-wo said...

Yep I am out to protect my 'well ordered life' ... exactly.

Which when I think about it. Is not all that bloody well ordered, anyway.

12:41 PM  
Blogger Mary P. said...

Whose life is well-ordered? Not mine when I was single, not when I was married without kids, not now that I'm re-partnered and swimming in the little beggars...

Childcare is a big, expensive, option-limiting proposition until they're in school, which, given junior kindergarten, is not that long.

I think ambivalence on the eve of a huge, life-altering event is the sign of a healthy mind.

:-)

4:19 PM  
Anonymous MIM said...

One day, while pregnant with In-fant, I was in the shower staring at my belly. That's when I really realized we were actually going to have another child. I was 6 months pregnant. I called Husband and said, "Do you realize WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER CHILD?!"

Anyway, I, too, am a thoroughly modern millie in need of a support system so I can take a shower without having 2 children whining at the door.

11:04 AM  
Anonymous Robin Elise Weiss said...

I think as long as you realize a new baby is on its way prior to labor, you're good. I mean really, you've done this before, how much prep do you really need? ;-) As for the pizza, add something green and call it good.

7:06 PM  

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