Thursday, April 06, 2006

The little [BIG] woman



It has been a trying few weeks. I had my run in with a very helpful coworker. This in the context of a server crash I got word of at 6:45am on a Monday. Do you know how hard it is to deny library service to 50,000 young minds before 7am while dragging an "I don't like Mondays" toddler out the door? Messy. On this score I am soundly, roundly, grateful to the kind commenters of this here site. I believe you might have all saved the life of one ignorant misogynist who is so not worth my time.

On to the roundnesss. I have had a week wherein I must face the facts of my girth and put away 97% of my standard wardrobe. I am definitely gettting past it on the 'big clothes' even and it is maternity wear time. Even though everything in that department is still technically too big. My daily wardrobe choice either entails a button, zipper or hook that digs into my side with every step or spin of the office chair... or I can choose a pair of pants that will by increments sink down around my hips and nearly cause "costume malfunction" whilst speaking at a meeting, walking up to the store or working in the garden.

As you know we moved daycares last month. The new place is ok but the schedule I arranged for this setup is a disaster! I am currently working only a half day on Monday and Tues, then full days Wed, Thurs, Fri. This was to achieve a few things: 1. reduce my hours of work as I got more preggers 2. limit the daycare days due to concerns about expenses and the lady's schedule at the new place 3. to get my Mom back in performing babysitting shape.

1. reduce my hours of work ... has turned into, run horribly behind all the time and work the same hours over 6 days instead of 5, burning my 'personal time' window on Saturdays going into the office or working at home.

2. limit the daycare days ... has turned into have 3 good days at daycare and 1 really retarded one... On Mondays, I drop e. off at 9am. I want to pick her up at 1, or better yet 1:30. But don't you know since I made the plan her 11:30 nap pre-lunch has become a 1pm post-lunch nap. I am going through a bunch of crap over two days just to get my ass to work for 3 hours? Then on the Monday I get to come home to pick up a girl who is really tired at daycare and will have her nap all screwed up by me hauling her home again to bed 30 minutes past "naptime"

3. to get my Mom back in performing babysitting shape... is goin' ok. It is great to know I can skip doing laundry on a Monday night cause she'll help out Tuesday. E. goes ape shit knowing she is coming.. But, yep I will dare complain. Two things 1. it is a constant reminder to me of our rotten relationships with the grandpeople. We are always at odds with them it seems about silly things like, please don't feed our baby jolly ranchers for snack -- or in fact EVER -- and no we don't give her French fries for lunch. Please don't have her suck on all the fetid refuse in the recycle bin. Let's just say it occassionally gets so strained I have thought about getting my Dad a webcam so e. can see him more often and he lives 20 minutes drive from here! (E. hasn't seen her other grandparents, who live 5 min away for 6 weeks, since the invitations are still at the engravers.)

Then 2. to cap it this week my Mom took her life in her hands with the charming and dismissive 'hormones' comment.

What is wrong with me??? I seem to have forgotten, maybe, what a normal thing it is to have a range of individuals assess my life based on a simple computation of hormonal imbalance??

Forget that I have myriad of responsibilities that may or may not be going swimmingly on any given day. Please overlook that I have a demanding profession to care for and two new job opportuniities to sort out. Never mind I love this job and will miss it a lot with a departure coming on sooner than expected. Then, let's put aside the household duties I seem to feel chiefly responsible for around here. One should not at all stew in the challenges of the developing social, physical and emotional toddlerhood in this home which I feel is my primary occupation. Silly to be troubled by the negative aspects of our family politic on our lovely little girl. Further it would be best to forget about concerns I have that we need to move forward with a new housing arrangement. Who cares that I haven't even filed for my maternity leave and I have only 3 mos. left to cook up a brain, some organs and limbs, etc. on a new human being inside my body... ?? Silly to be concerned about my ongoing anemia in the light of this physical occupation of mine, human cookin'? I am such a ninny, really. Thank God you cleared that up Mom... It's all those hormones that is making me feel less than shipshape?? You're right, I am just 1 good nap away from everything being a-ok.

end o' rant.

ps... what bugs me the most is that my Mom is not the only one on this bandwagon. I do seem to have hit some golden 'little woman' stage of pregancy where everyone from my spouse to a stranger on the street will start talking about my hormones. Somedays I hate being a girl... but that is probably just the hormones talkin'

8 Comments:

Blogger Mary P. said...

Ah, hormones... I am going to risk annoying you and say your mom has a point. I've experienced the effect of hormones with puberty, pregnancies, and now the gradual easing out of that part of my life. Hormones are real and sure they affect your moods.

(This does not mean that I have ever used hormones as an excuse for bad behaviour, as some of my friends do.)

The way I see it is that, yes, hormones do affect the way you react to stuff (positively and negatively). However, knowing it's hormones does not negate the reality of the experience. What it does do is give you some perspective.

Say I'm feeling crap about everything and jumpy with irritability, then I look at the calendar and go, "Ah. Three days before my period." Suddenly it's easier to let that crap go, knowing the moodiness will be gone in three days. The mood/mindset can be there, but I don't have to take it too seriously, and I certainly don't have to act on it.

So I find myself watching the moods, but not participating in them, somehow. It's all kinda Zen...

So are all your concerns real and valid? Of course they are. Would you be reacting to them as you are without the hormonal influence? Probably not. Being a girl is such fun, eh??

10:21 AM  
Blogger mo-wo said...

Mary, I did find it hard in the post to be clear about my complaint. I'll try again. I do resent that hormones are so squarely in the public domain.

Is that blunt enough?

I have issues related to hormones I readily admint. What bugs me is that no one, outside the darlings of my blog, can or will offer support/insight into the other problems or even acknowledge my womanly life as being inclusive of any unique challenges... I do find it hard to be polite about all the hormones related input.

Woman body chemistry trumps woman's responsibilities everytime and that is CRAP.

11:17 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I do love you!!!
Rant away cause I really love your rants.

And as for clothing, ya totally relate. I hated that inbetween stage. I felt frumpy for about two months and then BANG huge, ugh

It sound s like you are the one being supermoman and that you are doing an amazing job at it!!!

((Hugs))

8:07 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

I was lurking earlier and dropped back in to thank you for the comment.

Your life at the moment makes mine seem like a cakewalk so hugs right back.

9:45 PM  
Blogger Mary P. said...

Ah. You're right, I did miss your point. Thank you for expressing it so directly this time.

Your point, now that I understand it, is well taken. The dismissive pat on the head and "don't worry, it's just your hormones" is patronizing, and only addresses a fraction of the issue.

5:04 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

I do think that a pregnant woman's hormones should be treated like the pink elephant in the room... everyone knows its there but nobody dares talk about them. Because, frankly, if that pink elephant were to find a thorn in his foot, that before he was blissfully ignorant about, and stampede through the room, pulverizing everyone in his wake, then people might think twice about pointing out said thorn.

Isn't pregnancy fun!

6:59 AM  
Blogger L. said...

Oh, those pesky WHORE-MOANS!

They explain so much -- I think my daughter was actually born with PMS.

12:48 PM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Oh, that sort of thing makes me crazy too. Especially because I have never been one to have real problems with my hormones, but even if I had, you can't dismiss someone's feelings with a wave like that. It's belittling and shows an utter lack of respect.

4:49 AM  

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