Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Ass Wednesday Redux

I swim at the local Y. I lie, it isn't swimming stylistically speaking, it is drowning prevention.

I had planned to post exclusively on the sight greeting my eyes when I entered the locker room on Monday, which was a guy using the hand-held hair dryer to dry his crack. I was all ready to go off on some "abuse of the gratis equipment" rant that would add nothing to this world but a few expletives.

As I showered off after not drowning I listened to a guy in another stall horking up his duodenum and I considered posting about shower etiquette. I think I am reasonably permissive - you can blow your nose, spit, or even piss (so long as you do it on yourself a la P Farrell) in the privacy of your stall (unless there is some kind of dread piss-borne shower-mist virus of which I am unaware)- fill your boots. It's your stall, parts per million, expectations of privacy in a public place...

Then I started thinking about the cracks in my heel and the fungicide I just purchased (entitled "Heel in a Can" by Mo) and whether this is what Jonathan Ames used to cure his ass of athlete's foot in his story about his itchy ass and nose and the occasional scratching accident and so on.

This all stopped when I returned to my locker to view an elderly gentleman using the hair dryer to dry his scrotum. I can assure you, he performed this task with a thoroughness which is to be, um, nevermind...

P-man out.


Blogger L. said...


11:47 a.m.  
Blogger GIRL'S GONE CHILD said...

Ahahahahahahahaha. Swell.

12:20 p.m.  
Anonymous Meg said...

REALLY? Do you think that would feel good? I mean, I don't have a scrotum, but I personally find the dryer too hot for my head half the time. I can't imagine putting it... well....

9:15 a.m.  
Blogger bitemycookie said...

i needed this laugh more than anything right now. thank you. bmc out.

2:23 p.m.  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

Ahhh... my brain! I can't get those images out of my head.

Damn you and your descriptive skills.

3:38 p.m.  

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