Name that store
Mo and I just completed an IKEA put-the-damn-thing-together project and we are still together. For this I am grateful. Mo reminded me mid-gripe I had many things for which I ought be grateful and that made me doubly grateful because it was she who was there to remind me. My wife kicks ass. If it had been Mo, e, and one of the cats reminding me, my gratitude would have been increasing at a geometric rate rather than plodding along arithmetically.
On the subject of gratitude, I will be grateful to the nuthatch if he or she is born soon and before I have to assemble any further IKEA products. I feel like such a loser, I am buying a brand that says I can't afford real furniture. C'est la vie. Notwithstanding these feelings of self-loathing I return for more. More IKEA. More of those little Allen Keys.
I would like to propose to the big blue box store in question a new, truth-telling, slogan. My now deceased friend John H. said "IKEA is Swedish for I am arguing with my wife." (Meaning, he said this before he died, not, like, right before he died, as far as I know, but while he was living and not dead. It seems unlikely that the dead would return to this realm to dismiss IKEA to the living, but who knows? IKEA is everywhere.) I had suggested IKEA, "Swedish for you pay to put it together." Now I am thinking it is Swedish for "Sketchily designed furniture, made in the third world, and assembled by amateurs." Of course, I don't know any Swedish words or whether they favour umlauts, if it is they who indeed possess that elevated colon (besides Motorhead that is), or what IKEA might actually mean, if anything, other than "Give us your money. At least you aren't shopping at Wal-Mart, or Target, or whatever. Have a meatball. Have 100 for $9.99."
There probably is, or ought be started, an IKEA self-help program. IA. To those of you with IKEA assembly stories, or any IKEA story which is not boring, I ask you to share your stories. Together we can recover.