Brain Farts

This post may illustrate why I should not read the news. I feel dirty.

A: Be Not Ashamed of Your Ass (or you may not make it to Dallas on time)

As soon as I got a whiff of this story I smelled something funny. Not so much funny, maybe, as sad. Unless the condition the woman suffers from is hummus-ass (which can prove fatal to innocent bystanders) I think the "condition" is more likely to be embarrassment. For god's sake, people, do not fear your farts!

B: I Thought I Would Never Say This But

I love paying taxes. It's a sign things are going well, or at least well enough.

C: This Comes As A HUGE Surprise to Everyone, I Am Sure

Enough said. Ok, not enough. How much did it cost to produce this report, which perhaps should be sub-titled "An Extensive Exploration of What Is Manifestly Apparent to Even the Most Stupid Among Us". That dough would have been much better spent on, I don't know, cleaning up organized religion, a cure for bird flu, or remaking a movie which deserves a new audience. Fuck Casino Royale, with cheese.

D: A Note to Parents

I know I should be more accepting of people with alternative lifestyles, but come on. I don't know who to believe less, the cop or the dom. It sounds like the DA has some incriminating, albeit foul, evidence. Without DNA testing, however, it is a flimsy platform upon which one would base their case. A wobbly stool, even.

P-man out.