On Con Moms and Non-Confidence
Last year when I was looking for work, and not finding it, I had some blue days. I was sad, and I was weak.
In one 'dust me off' telephone call with my mother the matter of confidence arose. I admitted that my confidence was eroded. I admitted that eroded confidence = near depression for me. My mother pointed out that when it came to confidence forget it. Confidence simply was not "what was going on with me". Non-confidence was the new way of the world for me and I better figure that out.
What she explained is that parenting, or did she say MOTHERING, is an antithesis to confidence. "Give it a rest" being her stalwart message at my life of whining, this time I heard the ring-a-ding-ding of truth big time. "She is right!", I thought. Looking after the kids is completely at odds with my old constructions of confidence. There were facts where now there are feelings. There were numbers and shares where now there are bottomless needs and illusions of fairness. It's all a crap-shoot. Every breath I take, every move I make. I am just making it all up. I DON'T KNOW. Yet, everyday the shining faces look upward thinking I do. What was my old tagline? "Yeah, right, whatever you wanna tell yourself, Mother-Woman." Do the kids know its a confidence GAME?
And, with that advice/realisation I entered what I call my parenting repose. Ahh... or is that Ohm? And there you have it people, non-confidence, not just for Stephen Harper, anymore.
I don't know extends to... Does kitty look ok, here?
In one 'dust me off' telephone call with my mother the matter of confidence arose. I admitted that my confidence was eroded. I admitted that eroded confidence = near depression for me. My mother pointed out that when it came to confidence forget it. Confidence simply was not "what was going on with me". Non-confidence was the new way of the world for me and I better figure that out.
What she explained is that parenting, or did she say MOTHERING, is an antithesis to confidence. "Give it a rest" being her stalwart message at my life of whining, this time I heard the ring-a-ding-ding of truth big time. "She is right!", I thought. Looking after the kids is completely at odds with my old constructions of confidence. There were facts where now there are feelings. There were numbers and shares where now there are bottomless needs and illusions of fairness. It's all a crap-shoot. Every breath I take, every move I make. I am just making it all up. I DON'T KNOW. Yet, everyday the shining faces look upward thinking I do. What was my old tagline? "Yeah, right, whatever you wanna tell yourself, Mother-Woman." Do the kids know its a confidence GAME?
And, with that advice/realisation I entered what I call my parenting repose. Ahh... or is that Ohm? And there you have it people, non-confidence, not just for Stephen Harper, anymore.
I don't know extends to... Does kitty look ok, here?
Labels: confidence games, momism
posted by mo-wo at 3:43 p.m.
7 Comments:
You lure me with the promise of sweet words and then you hammer me with that smirking oaf and his kitteh? BETRAYAL thy name is mo-wo!!
Non-confidence. Oh yes, I know that well. I wake up every morning thinking, "Who the hell put me in charge?".
What is it with this blog and the spate of pictures showing crazy white guys with cats?
p-man
Can I ever forgive you for that photo? Ew.
I fear all this non-confidence is turning me into a ditherer. Should I get this sink or that one? How about these faucets? Should I really let them hack my daughter's tonsils out?
The list goes on and on...
I think we have all had feelings of Non-confidence about ourselves throughout our lives. I Know what I started nursing...and I was already a mom of two at that time and had been in the work force for over 10 years...and yet when I went into nursing I had times when I would come home and cry and wonder what the heck I was doing...who did I think I was....but I couldn't give up...I had to learn...and strive to be the best I could....
My middle daughter just started a career as a safety officer....she called me crying the other day...she said she wanted to quit...when asked why she said she didn't feel like she knew enough(this is a girl who was top of her class, had a job even before she finished her course)that she didn't feel she had the tools to do what was expected....she said she continued only because she didn't want to disappoint me.....right from the get go I told her it's not me she has to please...it's herself....I have told her on many occassions I don't care what she does as long as she is happy and being the best she can be in the profession of her choice. She told me she was considering becoming a police officer or firefighter.....again we chatted about those options....at the end of the day I just suggested that she give herself some time with this new job....while she was exploring other employment options....she is an amazing woman...in her short time in this profession she has already pulled a woman from a car that was leaking gas...and came to the aid of an elderly woman who had fallen and fractured her skull....she took all the appropriate actions..and did it on instinct..she is a natural....now just have to work on that confidence....
As a young adult it took me a long time to understand that my parents' didn't have a grand plan, they just did what seemed right in the moment. I somehow thought I should know what I was doing. Parenthood can pull that same trick on us as it does on our kids - we (should) know what we are doing, right?
"...parenting...is an antithesis to confidence." Though I'm not a parent, I cannot help but laugh at that--it is profound!
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