Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Threat From Above

I saw a piece in the news the other day about the health care 'debate' ongoing south of the 49th. Our creaky but wonderful health care system has been described by several concerned citizens of our neighbour for what it is. Canada's health care system is a "Marxist Threat". Presumably the threat is directed at the good old USA envisioned by these concerned citizens... a utopia of spacious green suburban lawns, bourbon, beltways, Ball Park Franks and Chuck Norris movies.

Some of our American readers, as in, those who can read, may respond to this accusation in a dismissive manner. They may apologize on behalf of their fellows... "We're sorry, Cletus is drunk again... his cousin is his mother... He fell on his head, see the flat bit?"

Dear friends, do not apologize. It isn't that we can take the slings and arrows of demagogic rhetoric. It isn't that we are willing to forgive simpletons their excited utterances. It isn't that at all.

This is to say the accusations are true! It is a fact, as I stand on this earth, that Canada's health care system is a Marxist threat, and it is the very lynch pin of Canada's design for global domination.

First we shall take over your health care. Then your national government. Then we will take all of your cars and replace them with Ladas. We shall place a professional hockey team in every state, including Arizona, so you'd better think of some good names. Everyone from Portland will be relocated to Juneau and everyone in Alaska will be sent to Guam. Any questions?

Consider yourselves warned.




Blogger Lumpyheadsmom said...

Mmmmmm. Ball park franks and bourbon. No need to plan dinner tonight!

2:34 p.m.  
Blogger p-man said...

Why waste time on franks?

2:36 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention the vanguard of our Marxist insurrection: Canadian actors. They are already embedded in Hollywood subverting American pop culture. I salute you Dan Ackroyd, Seth Rogan, Jim Carrey, Jason Reitman, Ellen Page, Michael Cera (Yes, Juno was part of our campaign of subversion), Hayden Christensen (YES! Lord Vader, himself!), Ryan Gosling, Michael J. Fox, all operating under directions from Supreme Marxist Chancellor Donald Sutherland.

3:04 p.m.  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

Freaking Communists. If I'd wanted to move to Alaska I would have voted for Sarah Palin. And here I was thinking we were together on this Cascadian-secession thing...

9:08 p.m.  

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