Thursday, July 09, 2009

Use a tissue

I feel today that -- despite what I have thought for years -- my children are NOT as I see them. While I enjoy the people we are together I must stop immediately thinking about translating that to others. The world will never see my babies as I do.

I can see as I ready for kindergarten and this major phase in my kid's public life that I could be that parent. The one who feels teacher doesn't understand, as a better blogger put it, my "widdle pwecious pumpkin". The nattering dufus trying to input 'at home they always' say please/thank you, eat, read Kant, use a tissue et cetera et cetera.

My children are who they are in the world full stop. No measure of their cozy, kind or brilliance at home will really serve their way to stability of identity 'out there'. The raising of my babies and the formation of a public person are two separate and important things.

It makes the intimacy of their specialness to me of more value to make this shift today. To really free their spirits and our relationship and all those relationships the days ahead will offer them.

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Blogger Lumpyheadsmom said...

The fact that the world sees your children differently than you do is what makes them yours.

8:04 a.m.  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

That is a fantastic insight. I hope I can get there soon, it seems hard to accept.

1:20 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love this, and you are so right. This persists in the way my own mother relates to me. I don't think she can ever really see me the way everyone else does. Similarly, we can't expect others to see our kids the way we see them.

We'll be starting kindergarten next year. I think I have some work to do in preparing myself first. Although I sort of suspect I will never really be ready.

6:06 p.m.  
Blogger mo-wo said...

Amber. I really appreciate this comment. I think part of the 'my mother' was in this post too.

It is probably the core worry I have about my mother I wouldn't want to replicate. Too much emotional rollercoaster.

Thanks everybody.

7:07 a.m.  
Anonymous eranestgirl said...

I think you the "pwecious pumpkin" syndrome is rampant. Especially as parents relate to schools & teachers.

I also think it is hard to separate how we want our children to be in the world, how we have/are raising them to behave & navigate in the world, and they way they must learn to survive in their own worlds.

Schoolyard rules, classroom dynamics, peer groups all exert tremendous pressures on our kids. Sometimes they don public camouflage that we may despise just to keep the parts of them we have nurtured intact.

You are way ahead of the game simply by being self-aware as a parent. Well done.

10:24 p.m.  
Anonymous earnestgirl said...

I wrote that way too fast. So fast there are 3 typos.
You must have hit a nerve.

10:26 p.m.  
Anonymous crunchy said...

The need to 'explain' my children to others has to stop..I know.

I need them to be who they are to the world and realize apart from teaching pleases and thank yous...there isn't much else I can really do.

The need for others to 'get' our kids is a powerful force though.

I even struggle with this with their dad...I have to realize HIS relationship and feelings will be different from me to a certain extent.

With school stuff my comfort lays in that preschool thought Caity was 'delightful' still boggled by that.

11:06 a.m.  

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