Sunday, May 24, 2009

Stolen Notions

It's been so long since I've posted. I could trot out the usual excuses* for not posting but you, select reader, you deserve the truth: apathy. I have nary an idea to speak of, and no interest in typing until an idea occurs. However, under gentle pressure from my spousal unit, I am about to post, no wait, I am now in the process of posting, but you can't see it yet, but when you do, I will have posted.**

There is someone outside on the street talking to himself. Maybe he is on the phone. It is a bit late for phone calls. He should be in bed.

In any event. I have had to steal an idea from one who alleges to suffer some epic form of creative constipation, and he stole this idea, I don't know, from the skinny kid at school. Or maybe the subject was suggested to him. Like that. Name your ten favourite movie characters.

I haven't asked about the qualifications. Favourite likely does not mean the characters with the finest attributes. That list would contain three names: Jesus, Gandhi, and that cute little pig who talked. Not Wilbur, the other one. Also, these are all characters from movies I enjoy greatly.

Character Numero One: Jack Carter from Get Carter.

I could name many a Michael Caine role herein. He has been in 50% of all movies ever made.

No. Part Deux: Popeye Doyle from the French Connection.

He just wants to help. Gene Hackman has been in 50% of all movies ever made. Minute overlap with Mr. Caine.

Trois: Danny from Withnail & I.

He just wants to help. I am attracted to enablers.

Four, Five: Terry and Dean from Fubar.

Spreading the Deaner around one nut at a time.

Six: Uwe, from Enlightenment Guaranteed

This movie is very similar in theme and content to Fubar.

Seven: Grandpa, from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Were it not for the fact that the kids love this movie, I could not inform you, dear reader, of my love for Grandpa, the clearly insane ex-soldier who is likely the only male (real or imagined) who complains more than I do - except for the part of the movie where he is kidnapped by the Vulgarians and is transported to that child-hating nation via a blimp while situated in what appears to be an outhouse, at which point he breaks into song: Oh the posh posh life/It is the life for me...

I am too lazy to find the video so here is something else which I love much less.

Eight: The Hanson Brothers, Slap Shot. Arguably 8-10. I don't care. Resistance is futile.

Neuf: Hrundi V. Bakshi of The Party. Inappropriate. I don't care. I love the invisible accompaniment.

Ten: Derek, from Bad Taste. I am no big fan of Peter Jackson the director; but of Peter Jackson, actor/director/writer/blonde alien, I am. He also plays the alien in the opening scene, some type of Platinum Blonde refugee. Anthony Hopkins, eat your brains out.

p-man out

* holistic detective work, anadromous salmon, penile occlusion
** why does it take me 1.5 weeks to write a post this boring? You don't have to answer that. Please don't, in fact.



Blogger CroutonBoy said...

P-Man, I do love your lists. Always interesting. And a Bad Taste reference...NICE.

9:49 p.m.  

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