Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Cry me a River

It is a soft sunny afternoon and I am more than weary, nearly tearful. My husband has been working late and I am not up to the challenge. But we are getting by.

I just finished putting down my now 11 month old son for his nap and his sister is 'off to dreamland' ?? maybe... I do enjoy these waning moments of babyhood. It presses on me of late 'the end'. For it is the end for us. Two children was sort of off-hand thing anyway. Three is a no-go. I say often, "I would love another baby. We just can't have another child."

They are fathomless depths, she say endeavouring to avoid the word bottomless for its negative connotations, these children. There is more than everything we can do for them. I don't see the upsides yet you tell me of AlphaDogma. I miss babying. I miss their gaping maws stilled at the breast. The laughable aspresso and the even more laughable streams of assvice. The simplicity of physical needs and the acceleration of being those first twelve months hold.

It's over in many ways. Man we had a good run.

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10 Comments:

Blogger Alpha DogMa said...

We had a good run, too. But I'm a pessmist and know the next one (were we to go that route) would be high maintenance.
Of course, my husband has not yet cashed in his "Get a Free Vasectomy" Coupon that I gave him for Father's Day - so maybe I better go knock on something wooden (no pun intended).

4:11 PM  
Blogger Alpha DogMa said...

PS - asspresso? Too funny!

4:12 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Oh, I know. There's still the possibility of more for us, but sometimes I look at the nineteen month old in front of me and think, is it over? And I'm sad.

7:50 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Chicky said...

I think I may be one of the few people that enjoys toddlerhood more than infancy. I do miss the sweet, round face and the seemingly simplicity but I like the new personality and the fact that we can talk to each other (sometimes). Then again, I've only done this once.

10:49 AM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

I'm not much of a baby freak, I must admit. I like the 10month mark onward much better, when they are turning into fascinating sponges and developing at an amazing rate. I think I'll feel sad when that is over, to be sure.

1:39 PM  
Blogger NotSoSage said...

I love that this is labeled, "because I think too much about stuff." Because that's the way I feel, too.

I never thought I would like having a baby, but I knew that I would love having a child. Now I find that I am wildly loving having a child but missing the babyness of her.

3:04 PM  
Blogger Crunchy Carpets said...

I miss the baby thing..but mainly because it was easier than toddler and preschooler!

A friend of mine has a 4 month old and a soon to be 3 year old..she was stressing big time about it all, schedules, naps etc..

I told her to just stop..to go with the flow....stop trying to organize everyone and just enjoy it.

She now savours every last baby moment...even though they...like us refuse to say no to no. 3.

But yeah...I agree with Mrs. Chicky..the joy of seeing the world through a toddlers eyes is so fun...so sweet.

It is great doing that again.

AND I am loving watching how different my kids are ...their interests etc.

7:38 AM  
Blogger davy boy said...

the wistfulness and sweetness and sadness in this really knocked me for a loop, MoWo...just for the bald honesty. i have great respect for knowing when you're leaving something that is precious, and honouring it.

i never knew, before i had kids, what got people about babies. now i get it. and i mourn the fact that it's passing away from me with everyday, and that even if we do it again, it will slip away all so fast.

it's the inability to stop time...it sucks.

6:41 PM  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

As usual, lovely.

2:35 PM  
Blogger mamakie said...

I just stumbled onto your blog and was caught by your post. I didn't ever think it would be so hard to say good-bye to something - the want of another child. It's hard to watch the little years pass by me now (mine are 4 and 2) and realize that this is it - I'll never get to start from scratch again.

It's getting easier though - I have many friends who have just had their second babies and I certainly don't envy them and all that goes with a new baby and toddler.

7:50 PM  

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