Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Veni, Vidi, Vale

I Just Smell Old
I survived my stay at the Luther Village Home for the Decrepit in sunny (and frigid) Waterloo. I am glad to have seen my elderly grandmother in her Ontario digs, for the first time in 2 years, as well as to have seen my uncle and his family for the first time in even more years.

After many months at home, surrounded by people who cannot fend for themselves, who wear diapers, and who need assistance in eating I was looking forward to a break. Two nights in an old persons' residence did not quite fit the bill.

The Lining Has No Tarnish
I arrived at Pearson and went to collect the car I had reserved. The very embodiment of the organized middle-aged guy, I figured, what could go wrong? Well, what if the rental guys don't have the car? Well, they did not have the car. I felt a sudden sense of dread: don't downgrade me. I can't drive the 401 in a fucking Festiva! I need AWD for the... the snow!

But the lining was silver. They gave me an upgrade at the same cost. I know this happens to everyone. But, you see, now it has happened to me! Hooray! Exclamations!!

But it does not end there, oh no. I met with Ms. NotSoSage in the bustling city of Toronto. I went to her house, she invited me in, I met her dog (named after a German 20C composer, I think, whose work I have never heard), her cat (named after Pinocchio's creator, if I have it correctly), her delightful daughter, and pulsating spouse.* I drank tea (named by Earl Grey after himself, the egoist). I donated a couple of books to a good cause and scooped a couple of cool hats for the kids. It was a most enjoyable way to spend part of the day and I extend my thanks to Ms. NSS and her lovely family for being so hospitable. Especially the dog. She kissed me in a way which made me remember a shore leave in Okinawa...

Also too (which is something my aunt in Kitchener says, without irony, in a "Da Bears" type accent which inflects her entire family's speech) Mr. NSS suggested I could while away some time at a bookstore on Dundas which specializes in "rare and unusual" books. But they didn't know the name of the place. It is "Monkey's Paw" and I will attest to the unusual quality of its inventory if not its rarity. I purchased some smut, er, erotica by Anais Nin. I have it at work... I'm reading it now!!!

The Kennedy Effect
Mr. Obama has the good fortune to have gained the endorsement of Senator Ted Kennedy. News reports suggest there is some kind of familial "effect" which will imbue the candidate with, I don't know, the luck of the Irish?

I envy Mr. Obama for his good fortune. Were I so spiritually deformed as to run for public office, I should be glad to have the endorsement, nay, the conferral of the aura of Mr. Chappaquiddick, and his most excellent and righteous family - the poontang-mad, pill-chomping, starlet-fucking brother and nazi-loving industrialist dad. What a team we would make! Go Barack go! How can you lose with friends like Ted?

p-man out.

* Not, as in, "he was pulsating. I began to wonder if he was hypertensive, or an alien, or if the tea was laced with peyote." It is as in, "He is a drummer."



Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am comforted that you -- a learned urbanite -- did not know the namesake for the NSS canine. Cos I had no freakin' clue either.

With regards to adult diapers: you begin and end your life in the same manner. Or so says my mother, who keeps reminding me that she changed thousands of MY diapers. I am already saving for a real good hospice for mother.

3:20 p.m.  
Blogger Mad said...

So glad you met Sage and kin. Pure gold, they are. Pure gold. Although I haven't met the dog. He was banished from the home b/c my daughter is a yellow-bellied coward.

4:17 p.m.  
Blogger p-man said...

Dear Respondents:

I know of the dog's namesake but I cannot spell his name. I think he was experimental, so, definitley not a 4/4 kind of guy. Luther Village is pretty good place to wear adult undergarments but I suspect my mom is worried about her inheritance.

Did you meet the cat? A cat's cat if ever I met one.

4:35 p.m.  
Blogger kittenpie said...

Oh, Sage is awesome. And, it seems, the de facto official Toronto chapeter host of all blogger visits.

11:06 a.m.  

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