Friday, October 10, 2008

52 reasons: the liberation that binds

There must be something in my Catholic upbringing ??? or my Presbyterian heritage ??? or my feminist orientation or ??? my feminist short-comings or something ??? ... that embarrasses me for my imperfection; and, I like it. It is a part of my identity??? The endless being at loose ends of unknowing and the addictive blamelessness of being put upon.

To stay-at-home, for me, presumes a surrender to a sort of non-victimizing imperfection I have erstwhile not known. I realize today that this is another imprint I took in a time before of why I would not be a stay-at-home parent. To finally take a pass on being the failure. To risk authority and leadership and all manner of grubby words of powerful and accountable identity.
To say home would mean, in some greater measure, an admission that:
1.) I will never be the best parent there is.
2.) But, I am the best parent, or caregiver, my children can have.
And other such things of knowing.

Gasp! Responsibility! Now there's a reason I thought I could not be a stay at home parent. Still, to unburden myself of all my childish self-centredness and my long-standing focus on failures -- gripping in the darkness every potential for failure -- could I do it? It would bespeak of a paradigm shift come of parenting, most certainaly. It can be pretty alluring. Especially when the blessings we have are adequate in number as to offer such a diminution of risk even a scaredy cat like me has a good chance to overcome. Hmmmm....

Wishing you all many blessings and for the success of every heart's hope this Thanksgiving. xoxox my pretties! love mo-wo

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