Sunday, November 09, 2008

Icebreaker, or, A Brief Series of Brief Lists


The other week I went for an ultrasound of my balls and was relieved to discover a: I have balls, and b: the ultrasound jelly was warmed to slightly above body temperature. They are keeping things loose at Mt. St. Joseph's, people, keeping things loose. Good times.

I am having trouble getting through to my 2 year old. Sample a: "It is breakfast time, name, go sit at the table." "I'm not Name, I'm Little Bear." "Whoever you are, it is breakfast time, Ms. Fancy is there already." ""She's not Ms. Fancy, she's Emily. You're Duck." Sample b: "Name, it's time for bed." Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" "Name, it remains time for bed." "I'm not name, I'm Plablo." "Pablo, er, Plablo, it is time for a secret mission. To bed." "I'm little Bear." "...(weeping)..."

I know the world is supposed to be really happy that Barack Obama is the president of the Consolidated Debts of America* but you can mark my words: the fawning millions who love him today will despise him in one year. This is because a: they will discover he is a Vulcan and there is no way America is ready for a Vulcan president, b: the US will still be in Iraq with no withdrawal in sight, c: the economy will still be sucking fumes, and d: still no Chinese democracy. That's the democracy we await.

Another thing: I the depth to my political insight is, hmm, epidermal, so I note this with some caution and the awareness that somebody else will have thought this. The mantra for the victorious campaign was "Yes We Can!" which has a nice positive ring to it. I think Bob the Builder had it first, though. I'm sure I am not the first to observe that candidates will often, um, say things they don't mean in an effort to induce us to vote for them.** But that can change.

Listing,

p-man

* And I am, a little. The odds of the rapture happening at his behest are slightly less than under his opponent.
** I'm sure this time it will be different. Yep.

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4 Comments:

Blogger Mad said...

My kid always, always, always insists on being called by a pseudonym and her pseudonym changes 100 times a day. Similarly, me and the MadDad are cast in sidekick roles left, right and centre. I'm sick of being Rooney or Linny or Ruby or whoever the hell else.

As for that election, I'm not one to believe in the construction industry. They never return my calls. They always overcharge me. My renovation projects are perpetually delayed. But that Bob the Builder? He has my vote, hands down. He's so PC, always with a chick at his side and making fine use of all sorts of talking machinery. Yes, Bob the Builder is the new Joe the Plumber.

7:56 a.m.  
Anonymous cheesefairy said...

Don't forget e. his wife or daughters will do something appalling (like the wrong wallpaper in the white house) and public opinion will turn.

Turn like a 2-year-old's humour.

I want to be Plablo.

7:19 p.m.  
Anonymous croutonboy said...

Personally, I'm ready for a Vulcan president. He can do the mind meld with our enemies, and if that doesn't work he can use the neck pinch. Cooool....

I get that name crap all the time, too. I'm often renamed "mommy," which doesn't make my balls happy.

8:54 p.m.  
Blogger p-man said...

That's so typical of you urban types, what with your 'diversity'.

10:31 p.m.  

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