Gaze Upon My Bumper, and Repent!

This falls in the categories of a: rolling theological warfare, and b: someone is telling me something about themself in a passive-aggressive manner, to wit, via their bumper sticker. I am not fond of either a or b, but I will confess to taking some enjoyment from a and b conjoined thus. You will have all seen what I am describing, unless you are from Glastonbury, in which case, you should be told the following: there are things called cars... they enable you to travel through time, from the Tor to Dorking in less than 2 hours... step away from the lighted cube! Run! What I am describing, or rather, avoiding describing at some length, indeed, circumpolarlocuting at this stage is that annoying fish bumper sticker. An example is this:



Herein converge a number of irksome actions. Two of these are noted above, but that is not an exhaustive list. In addition to the passive-aggressive element of the bumper sticker qua statement of theological preference is the additional bane of smugness: we've got things figured out, both here and in the afterlife. Fuck you, buddy, we're stuck waiting at the same light... your Voyager sucks ass, I'm coming over to- I Oughtta - breathe in... breathe out... A further prick to one's delicate sensibilities is the is the free-advertising element of the activity. It is comparable to, and as lame as, purchasing a brand name shoe the major design feature of which is the heightened representation of the brand name thereon. This is conspicuous religious consumption.

There is a silent war being waged on our streets between the creationists and the Darwinists, the terms are escalating disturbingly, there is dissent among the ranks, pessimism is in the air and soon some kind of Reformation may be upon us and blood will be spilled, unless you come to your senses now. I mean, really.

I will agree, for argument's sake, there is a place for bumper stickers, namely, bumpers. I am all in favour of you expressing your political views and your opinions. I am in favour of free speech (except for this guy). But folks, we need to lighten up.

I have had enough of this, and this... even this. Just shut up (figuratively, of course, the bumper stickers of belief being silent) and drive your car to work, sipping your milky coffees, listening to Enya/Radiohead/Chipmunks/Alan Parsons Project/13th Floor Elevators in the air conditioned comfort of your gas guzzler. If I want to know about your twisted beliefs, those which I will not infer from your choice of vehicle, your hair, your sunglasses, I will read your blog. Now, I gotta eat, so that's it from here.

P-man out.