Sunday, August 12, 2007

Child care search #4: two posts in one

Ok. I have shied away from admitting it til now. I know plenty of cool parents with happy experiences so what is wrong with me.

But rationalize no longer.

I hate nannies.

I want to like them. I want to get a good one. But once bitten twice shy.

This time two years ago I was enjoying my 2nd week back at work. My third week with our new nanny. I came home to the following. "I have good news and bad news." In fact it should have run more like the inimitable words of Kumar, in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, "I have bad news and worse news."

Stupid girl quit. 1 weeks notice.

Let's just be clear I always prefered daycare for us. I'd settled on a nanny when our daycare spots didn't queue up on time. I let this parasite walk out my door that day never to return. We came up with a new space in a week after all. But where going in I had been lukewarm on nannies ... after that ... I sort of hate them. Certainly, I don't trust them.

Right now I am hedging on the good daycare space I have for E. since I have nothing for A. when I go back to work. E. tried and liked pre-school last month and a number of things scream Nanny! Nanny! Nanny! Do it, Nannies can be good.

But there is something inside me that can't do it. I find the whole nanny profession so underated and unstable that I don't wanna play along. I have deep fears of a scenario perhaps worse than the last. A turn where someone forms a bond with my kids and then bolts. I perceive of nannydom as a pass-thru for other career goals and as such you sort of have to put your own family out there knowing that the better/best interests of the individual can cut you off at the knees without warning. Add to this that the branding of cultures for parenting surrogacy really drives me to drink.. "Oh you simply must get yourself a Filipino, they are so loving.", says my MIL. Gag. I see women keeping nannies for 10+ years and I sit in judgement that their families lack something and that the purchase of the service well into school years is wrong.

My head is spinning. Ta-da!... Behold my overall unease with the topic of my absence from the family home, for work. Yes, it's true. I am no Iron Mommy. I feel guilt that I go to work but I will. In January, or sooner, I will be back where I can kick butt and kick back. To punish myself first I will avoid the major responsibility I have before to do that. I will delay, ignore and avoid decisions in the circus of choices available. I will layer irresponsibility on irresponsibility and knit one guilt to another. Then maybe I will have some luck and forgive myself, again

Expect over the coming weeks we will once again wrestle with our least favorite activity. Trying to find good childcare. Our next installment daycare v. preschool. Discuss

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well...I can just say I am glad I ain't having to worry about it.

Aside from the cost... I can only imagine how tough it must be.

Our preschool IS a daycare....daycare is full day and preschool is 5 hours....a nice mix for them.

I can also say that I am really looking forward to tomorrow when BOTH my kids will be there for 5 hours....5 hours....

Oh my.

12:52 p.m.  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

The nanny thing is so hard - when they are bad, you worry, when they are good you worry. We have a good one, so I worry that she'll finish grad school, worry that she'll get full time work at her other job (the one that gives her benefits), worry that she'll tire of days with a toddler who is so very two. (Worry that we'll have a second and who will want to care for two, how will we pay...)

Breathing deeply, hoping for the best for you.

1:23 p.m.  
Blogger CroutonBoy said...

That's heavy. I like the idea of a nanny, but wouldn't trust a stranger with my child. I don't envy you.

Fortunately, I avoid guilt by passing it all to my wife, which works GREAT for me.

1:31 p.m.  
Blogger p-man said...

I prefer to not focus on the grim task that is childcare selection, or the retaining services from strangers to tend to our precious children. I prefer to focus on the fact that you quoted Kumar. I LOVE YOU!!!

10:01 a.m.  

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