Saturday, January 08, 2011

I've never been to me.


If there is one song from my youth I did not like it had to be, Never Been to Me. Idiot damsel trying to look fierce...degrading self, problem-women. Discuss.

It cluttered up the 2nd 3rd of my Rock '82 by KTEL cassette real bad. And we know don't we.. There was no such thing as 'skip' then. Codex hell. I heard it over and over despite myself, tapes, dances, the tyranny of LG73. Oh, woe was me. And woe is me now.

It has, my friends, been a tough few months. Tough like my mother's swiss steak. And at this end I see that my lil' blog has been about -- despite myself -- my 'never been to me' status. My concerns about being Mother and Woman. My uncertainty about knitting up the internal, bloody, messy, human making mother-person with the... womanly everything else. My own wordy variation on a scale of justice ... a place to mix a metaphor as frothy as Cactus Club Bellinis on a Friday night of yore.

A year ago I dialed that discussion down. Respectable after 5 years and in light of new media to be sure. There were good reasons particularly the working mo' issue. I know people say that when you go back to work it is 'too much' how can you handle all the work and your family. But that is not the case, entirely. You make it work. Your work gets done. Your family responsibilities met. What goes is the EVERYTHING ELSE. The extended family bliss, the wide area networks of friends.. including you my friends. The filing of paperwork, the turning over of seasonal clothing, the garden, maybe handmade Christmas cards.

But after this year I realize there are dark reasons I might not have spoken. That it wasn't just the volume of writing and web authoring I was doing professionally that sucked me away from here. There was also a bit of surrender to the propaganda. A giving up on anything like options. My abhorrence for example of quality time and 'work/life balance' cliches. Looking to Parent Differently, TM. Ha! Ha! Ha!

I was type-tied. Reading more than writing and crafting a new brand online that was solely professional. Ha! Ha! Ha! I will talk to you in the next while about what I felt was untypeable to you but this is enough for today... Save...

You can thank me later for the great Swiss steak recipe. A classic in that lineup of working mom meal plans.
There are a lot of trippy covers of Never Been to Me!
What will make you say, hello dead blog. A comment on a long lost post like this.

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