Tuesday, April 15, 2008

52 reasons: People are People

I have a lot of reasons why I thought I would never make a good stay-at-home mom. Sure I could start with something easy like, I don't have enough patience, or I am addicted to my career but no. No. Sharp inhalation, here goes.

I never thought I would be a good stay-at-home mom because.... I don't really like women.

Oh for shame. What was wrong with me? I thought raising children was women's work? and androgyny my defense?

I was always sort of weak at being a chick, suspicious of girls -- and women it seems. But dudes? Well, I was the soccer mom at 18. I was driving my co-worker bellmen friends from the tourist-compound mandatory hospitality service I did in '88, call it Rocky Mountain Hotelerific piss up and pinch stuff for a summer or two, to their soccer games in Canmore. Ah soccer, is it not the very best sport for the display of fine male specimen buns? I lent them my car to make extra $$$. The other waitresses? Oh, no, thanks. I'm not here to fit in, woman-person.

I ultimately drifted to the fringes of my lady-laden library profession? Note, my expertise falls outside of books or tale telling. My skills are grafted, instead, to IT. I routinely advise some geek, as a means of conflict resolution "Oh come on. We can do it this way just this once right? Try it or I'm breaking up with you."

So is it true? If I hate going to the mall... and If I haven't read a diet book in 25 years...and If I am selfish and superficial and like to watch sports on tv, sometimes. Does that mean I can't be a stay-at-home mom?

Well it turns out. No.

Facet #1 of the mythology. Stay-at-homers aren't all Moms. Seems roughly half the population of parentingland is made up of men. Good, that keeps it interesting. Why hadn't I thought of that?

Then. Facet #2 The girls are alright. Women are what makes this game run. Sure there are the competimommies and the cliques and the deepening political divides. But all that seems a lot more gutless here in the glow of afterbirth than it ever did at under the dim lights of the dance palaces of youth jostling for mirror space to perfect each application of mascara and every slink of a blouse or hem. We are all, or at least many of us ready to admit, hacks. At work I was out to be the best in the business -- so many of us were. In the mothering game for every 1 out to succeed I would suggest there are 4 or 8 sane, self-effacing and affable mother-people. This based on my well-sourced bloggy research acumen.

As one friend says, I just need to get back to the hut. The heterogeneity can be overrated. I just want the women and children together in the hut awash in comprehension and support. I wont [sic] some other woman to hold my baby while I have a shower! Today I had a date with M. (not her real name) and I was happy as could be wrapt in mom on mom action for nearly 2 hours. Just a cuppa and her bouncing baby girl (10 months, since I know you're wondering). We shared our failings and our outlandishly high standards. We came to the agreement that to completely suck 3-4 times weekly was a good baseline.

-- yes I am trying to put that song in your head!

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6 Comments:

Blogger Alpha DogMa said...

Oh, I wish you lived closer to me. Really. Because I'm not a girly girl either. Hell, I almost didn't start blogging because of the sister-friend vibe. I'm too sarcastic, too pragmatic to truly fit into the SAHM stereotype. Also I think scrapbooking is crap. Yeah, I'm a social pariah.

8:27 PM  
Anonymous cheesefairy said...

Oh, with labour on my horizon I do NOT WANT that song in my head. So arrhythmic. Quick, to the J-Lo-sphere!

Do agree that the hut is great... I'm still looking for the right one. I admit to some concern around staying home in my 'hood and how no one I know is in it. And how I don't really want to know anyone in it. After meeting all the "new mums '06" and discarding all, me awash in postpartum... something... condescension? apprehension? that is.

Dunno. Guess I'll have to travel out of the 'hood or get under the couch with my laptop. Or join STROLLERCIZE!! Jesus.

9:20 PM  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

That is a big thing to admit, or maybe it is nothing at all. If you believe, as I do, that 90% of everything is crap, that should hold for women too, right?

9:55 PM  
Blogger Mad said...

Ya, I believe there are good people everywhere the trick is to find them amongst the morass. A few gems are starting to shine on the day care board and I find that highly refreshing.

7:56 AM  
Blogger kittenpie said...

You know, I didn't really hang with other moms the year I was home at all either, because, well, I'm shy, and they all seemed intimidating. But knowing the bloggy oms I know now, I wonder how many of them were putting on some sort of a face for their own insecurities. I don't think you have to be the girly girl, the mean girl, whatever, to get along. You just have to find a few people you like.

5:15 PM  
Blogger Chicky Chicky Baby said...

It took me having a kid and staying home with her to start trusting women again. The ladies? They can be scary. But not all of them.

Now I need to wash my ears out with soap to get that DAMN SONG OUT OF MY HEAD.

12:07 PM  

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