Thursday, May 29, 2008

52 reasons: Patience

Wow. With my sudden return to work I am way behind with my 52 reasons I cannot be a stay-at-home-parent which are all bunk.

Here is one I have really been bursting to post. I do hear it a lot from other moms and wonder if blogger parents share this one in their arsensal of "rationalist parentings" [sic], hahahahahahahahahahaha. Here goes...

I can't be a stay-at-home-parent because... I am not patient enough.

Do you do that one? I mean I have done that one to death. It is actually pretty much full of it and here's why.

1. I am patient enough.
2. Being patient all the time is not good for children.
3. Pay-as-you-go caregivers are not always patient. I have found I am relatively actually more patient. If you count up the minutes/hours for sure. Yay me!
4. Free caregivers (often known as grandparents) are not patient either they are sort of... well... oblivious, or something.

What is it we are saying when we say we are not patient enough? Is there someone patient enough to hang with a 2 year old and a 4 year old 24/7? Who are these angels of bottomlessnessed giving outlook? What would real children have been like for centuries before if they had access this manner of child-rearing-droid? In the hierarchy of virtues where does patience lie? What am I saying????

Yesterday, was my first day of work and I'll go again tomorrow. It is short to start. I negotiated a part-time graduated entry program; just four hours a day this week. I do love my job, it is a good one. I don't really feel at odds with my "52 reasons I might be a good stay-at-home-parent" while I'm working. The work needs to be done. I am doing it right now, someone needs to. After 23 months out of the workforce it feels nice to fill that need again. I will watch closely how my family feels about it, and these reasons will inevitably help me work through the watching.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I'm as patient as the next person. But there are moments when I swing to either end of the patience spectrum. Today: it is raining, and my back hurts and I'm sleep deprived so I'm kinda grumpy and not very patient.

Here's what I don't get with this rationalization (and a lot of others): it is perfectly fine to show children the complete range of human emotions. Well, maybe not 'murderous rage.' But otherwise: yes, show kids how to have emotions and how to express them.

3:27 p.m.  
Blogger Mad said...

I dunno about this one. My husband is light years more patient than I am. I am quick, very quick, to temper, to rage. Am I patient enough to be any kind of parent (working or SAH)? Of course I am b/c, lo, here I am her mother. Could I benefit from being a tad more patient? Ohhhhhhhh yaaaaaaa.

5:33 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can only comment on the grandparents being oblivious thing. Amen. Am currently gritting teeth. Need map to drinking hole in the woods, pls.

8:20 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Right-on, A-Dogmama.. human milk for human babies, human parents for human kids. The human experience includes the full range of emotions, and KIDS CAN HANDLE THEIR PARENTS BEING HUMAN!

8:43 p.m.  
Blogger nonlineargirl said...

Told that to myself a lot, including as a reason why it might be ok if we can't have another one. Even as I am thinking it I know it is crap.

10:18 p.m.  
Blogger Bon said...

hell, few of us are really patient enough to be parents at all, if that's the primary criteria. but like AD said, a range of emotions is a good thing, within reason, to expose a kid to...and while patience with small people is important, they don't even necessarily benefit from an infinite supply of it. i think what people really mean when they say that is that they don't want the kid schedule kinda life...there is something very tidy about going back to work, i found. :)

8:34 a.m.  
Blogger Jon said...

Working or not, these kids need to hurry their asses UPPPPP!!!

12:12 a.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a 'new' dad (she's six weeks today! yay!) this is one of the aspects of parenting that terrifies me. I sometimes watch my brother and brother-in-law walk down the beach with their younglings and it takes an hour to travel 50 meters as they're forced to pause to investigate the minutiae of every dead crab, piece of seaweed, broken shell or vaguely interesting rock. I know we're supposed to 'smell the roses,' but this is ridiculous.

My brother-in-law is particularly good at what appears to an outsider to be mind-numbingly boring make-believe for hour upon hour.

I have no idea where I'm supposed to find the mental reserves (or lack thereof) to engage in these activities.

11:20 a.m.  
Blogger Crunchy Carpets said...

In many ways I am glad my kids know me as totally imperfect..they tend to forgive me my sins and their own more easily...

12:49 p.m.  

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