Ring of Truth

A long time ago a young man went to the bank and cashed that bond from grandma. The store was on Granville Street and they'd been there together. You would have thought the bond would cover it but no the deal could only be done after he crawled past the mushrooms growing in the floor of the Camaro to find those last few dollars among the spare change slipped beneath the bucket seats.

Credit cards were something unknown.

Almost immediately he went to his girlfriend to ask she excuse herself from her 4th floor office. She scowled harshly and they took the ride down in the freight elevator. "What do you need money?", she asked.

Out came that ring. You asked me to marry you.

In that moment you shattered the myth that I'm the sensitive one. A good start to this marriage, I'd say. That you would transform that bitchy girlfriend into your wife is always with me, I know you didn't know that. I'm not one to say marrying you has made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, thank god. Marrying you gives me what I need, counterpoint. The opportunity with each day to save myself from myself.

I am one to put on airs, for sure. Sensitivity, intellect, responsibility. All those years ago I chose a diamond ring in an antique shop that I thought was a good choice. I loved it, especially that first day, but I never wore it. It seems diamonds are something I admire but not something I wear. A few weeks ago I checked the black velvet box and it wasn't there. I can't remember when I last had it but despite that I'd say I'm heartbroken. It screams callousness to have lost track of something most women guard with their lives. It saddens me to be without this piece of that day. As a talisman of lives together I most comfortably sit, instead, adorned only by the plainer gold band from our wedding day. But I'll keep looking as, apparently, I just never seem to know where things turn up.

Lucky 13

"Terry Zoolander** and the Princess* might even get married."
"And, what does it mean to get married?" Mommy inquires.
"You get a husband." Girl Friday.
"And, what does that mean." Mama asks curiously
Big smile. "You know like a friend."
"Yes", Mommy replies. "You're right"

-- From a nearly four year old girl on her parents 13th Wedding Anniversary.

** Terry Zoolander is a stuffed bear
* Princess, as in the puppet

With Purpose

So Mad put the call out for kitsch. Well I have plenty. The fish lamp, the Sampan lamp, the Juice King. I have long lost my Gaynor and Dorothy Maddox tell you How to Plan the Perfect Dinner Party; I suppose that was my peak.

So many choices still remain... Red and Rhinstone Buddha? AnCORN Watt? Nah... This is what I'll offer. I keep the following magazine ad framed in my bathroom. It sort of looks like us. And there is the power of the sentiment in the headline. Hahahahahahaha. Lately my favorite part is the segment that reads Don't Offend Needlessly.


Maybe we should change the tagline. Mo-Wo and P-man Offending with Purpose since 1995.

12 Years

Wow. Our twelfth wedding anniversary today. The internet will tell you the twelfth is associated with linen and silk, or in our case forgetfulness and fatigue. Ah, to be honest we remain tired but happy. And, with a happy note from my Dad as follows a bit smirky in our own rememberances.

Just a note to say, as best we can
To the two of you, mo-wo and p-man

That we want you both to know
When we think of this day twelve years ago

We wish you now as we did then
Happiness over and over again

And for all the many years to come
Love for each other and of course from

Mom and Dad

Take the Cake

I have, at least once, claimed what I like about this blog, among other things, is its role as a communication channel with my spouse. Here I go again. On the occasion of your thirty-some birthday today p-man I wanted to say a few things. Things I imagine you do not know.

I knew you were the one when you asked for directions that afternoon in Wales. Was that the same day you cut down that racist bitch in the country store? You just did the right thing and well that's important.

I thank you for all the things you have said to make me treat myself better than I would if you were not at my side. Despite how bad that has proved to be for you at times. (emoticon implied)

I enjoy so much that you are the best father I know. Because face it I know how hard you are trying and that's the measure of a Dad.

The worst part of your trial right now is that you can't take my calls. Seriously. I had completely underestimated what it would do to my day, to the children.. not to have you at the end of the line. Horrors.

I hope these thoughts can be my gift. Let the speakers be from the kids. I want to tell you I love you. I don't say it enough... cause, you know, I'm shy.

Interrogation Room

Alright everyone loves a great interview right? Well, this here interview is a team effort in more ways than one. A joint interview of Mo-Wo and p-man, brought to you by Mad and NotSoSage. Typing this up it was clear that it might get sort of confusing as to who's who. I thought about remedying that all with assigned colour coding. But I hate fucking colour coding so good luck everyone!

From Mad: p-man, let's start with you. First off, since we have the blogosphere to thank for this interview, tell me what, in your opinion, is discussed more in the parenting blogospere: ovaries or testes?

I don’t know the answer to that. I can establish that I have discussed my testes more often than I have discussed my ovaries, or Mo’s, or anyone’s. “Nuts to you.” That’s my motto.

From NotSoSage: And does that need to change? If so, how do you propose to do that?

I will continue to discuss my testes for so long as I have them. If I lose them I will discuss them more often. Vive la meme chose.

From Mad: Mo-wo: Vancouver is a tourist haven. Heck, I've been there about 10 times myself. If you could recommend one natural attraction and one cultural attraction to potential visitors, what would they be?
You've been here...? When? Why didn't you call? Was it something I said. Or was it him?

Did you know I had a dream last month I went to NB and saw you. Just for one evening. And, you know we went to a play. It wasn't that good but it was smart. And, I didn't even know your husband was a playwright when I had that dream I think. Amazing you got a sitter isn't it?

Anyway the question.. ahem...

Natural = Do I go outside? I used to do ‘the natural’ now I see peril everywhere and remain a bit more urban. Maybe Jericho Beach is a don’t-miss ? It has a gorgeous view of Spanish Banks, highly recommend it at sundown when the light glints in a uniquely ethereal manner and the air is fresh with the slightly acid whiff of fresh chicken bits flying out to sea in crab traps. It’s all like a good Cab/Merlot. But if you take your toddler consider a harness there is no rail on 2/3 of the pier.

Cultural = Museum of Anthropology. It is a collection thoroughly engaging for the visitor! I can add that it is also a fine example of a concrete masterpiece of Arthur Erikson and as such it thoroughly suffocating to the employee.

NotSoSage: And am I the only person who gets her directions screwed up because downtown is North?
Huh. Are you like begging some TO crack here? Follow the mountains. It's easy.

NotSoSage: The next two questions are for both of you: What do you think has recently been the greatest test to your marriage? Please answer separately and without consultation.

a) The move
b) The cat
c) The kids
d) All of the above
e) None of the above

p-man: e) Me.

Mo-wo: There’s a test? I mean we got the papal dispensation and I thought that meant all the red tape was covered for like life eternal. Oh, yeah and YEP what he said. For us marriage goes better with kids... and lamb kebabs!

Mad: If you two were hired by Hollywood to do voice-overs for an animated movie, what would the movie be called and what characters would each of you give a voice to?

p-man: Crapula: The Drunkest Vampire. I am the voice of the inebriated bloodsucker and Mo is the voice of my unwilling target. Art mirrors life.

mo-wo: I don't know what it would be called but I am pretty sure I would be shrieking.

Mad: For you both: If you weren't a librarian/lawyer what profession would each of you choose?

p-man: Unemployed.
Mo-wo: Chef

NotSoSage: Which profession do you think would best suit your partner? You may interpret this question in whatever way you wish.

p-man: Lawyer.
Mo-wo: Seriously p-man would make a really great librarian. He reads much more than I do and everyone likes him, in real life anyway. I have seen him befriend everyone from the paint sales lady to our garbage guys with a word or two. These are all great qualities in a librarian. As is organization and the ability to work without extensive support or direction. In the latter two areas he sucks. He’d maybe make a good librarian is the Casanova sort of way or on a bad day Hannibal Lecter.

Then again he makes good coffee and he's sullen.. let's go with barista v barrister.


Mad: Mo-Wo: Librarian or cybrarian? Which is your prefered term?

Always librarian. The cybrarian thing really only works if you pick out your own eyeball and refill the hole with a red light laser scanner which is oh-so 1997. (Ok you civilians, the librarians are all laughing their trusses right off with that one! Trust me, all two of them.)

I’m waaay-heeey to chicken for that.

Librarian
PT Librarian
RT Cybrarian
NT Bunny Watson
Stupid question expert
UF Read-ie Person
Information Person
SA Nerd

Mad: p-man: Given your chosen profession woul d you ever consider naming a future daughter "Sue"?

You assume I am a barrister. I am a solicitor and my son is named Will. My daughter is named Floating Debenture.

Mad: Where the hell did NotSoSage go? She's leaving me high and dry here. Alright, one final question for each of you. Mo-Wo: If you could resurrect one CBC Series from the past, what would it be and why?

Oh man this is a hard one. And, one cleverly devised to ensure that if any of our fringe (2) American readers were still tuned in that they follow the outclick to Sci Fi now.. CBC series… hmmmmm….

Danger Bay, Mr. Dressup, Seeing Things (no way too Toronto! There I said it.), Street Legal (oooh the lip gloss on Cynthia Dale is blinding, and hey did you know C. David Thomas is doing replacement spots on As It Happens now?), King of Kensington, Beachcombers, Front Page Challenge? Ah, a Sophie’s Choice.

Semi-related little know mo-wo factoid. I won 5 What’s New? Challenge t-shirts in elementary school. Please see aforementioned nerd reference. I am considering a grant application to see how many 21st century bloggers were reciepients of cash or prizes from child news program or other uber-geek activities junk when 19 years or younger.

Ok give me a serious moment will you. I guess I would overlook how stoned I may or may not have been on occasion and ask that the gods bring back Kids in the Hall. The circa 1991 season that first year we dated. For each show night I would trot over to p-man’s Dad’s place and cook up somethin’ nice like the corn-pepper cream soup with a side of cornbread. We’d have a good night with friends or just our revered affiliate, his sister. It seems like another planet, and it was; so much that was so effortless. Dinner. Vegetarianism. Society. Love.

Now if this had been a question regarding CTV programs of yore it would have been much easier, hands down “Check it Out” you just can’t ever really get enough of Don Adams, can you?

Mad: And p-man: "Heavy Horses" or "Aqualung", my friend?
Neither. Nibelung. Woof!