Beastly Number

Thank you, dear spouse, for tagging me. Thank you, Dexter, for crawling on my chest while I try to type this, and for bringing your crusty ass within sniffing distance of my face. I feel, at last, that I belong... ah, until I read Dutch's next post, whereupon I will bemoan my renewed feelings of deep inadequacy.

I can scarce think of three things about me which are unknown to you, or which may be of interest to anyone but me. Nonetheless, and having read Jason's response, I will begin my list, starting at 1 and going upwards in number until I am done, with the number being in the range of 3 to 6.

1. I have a morbid fear of public washrooms. It's not so much the bacteria I imagine swimming up my piss stream at the urinal, or the rat which will burrow up into my colon when I rest uneasily on or slightly above the throne, nor is it the multitude of offending smells - it's the fear of embarrassment. I leave that to your capable imagination.

2. I love puppies. They taste best with a peanut chili sauce.

3. It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail. (TY, Oscar Wilde)

4. I love spiders and I dislike insects, except the ones which are helpful in my garden. I have pulled off the highway to remove wind-blasted arachnid from my rearview mirrors for careful placement on roadside flora. I will not kill a spider but I hunt down ants and crush them like the bugs they are.

5. I cannot stand pretentious people, or people whom I believe are pretentious, holier-than-thou shits for brains. I want to confront these people and knee them in the gonads. There is no reasoning with them. I believe I am a pretentious holier-than-thou so and so just for holding this particular belief (that of a false superiority, the sense I can somehow improve others' pathetic and worthless lives merely by sharing, unbidden, my insights) which makes for some mildly entertaining internal dialogues, and some reasonably amusing external dialogues. While my adherence to this principle is noted mostly in the breach I believe it takes all kinds to make this earth, and we need to be tolerant of others, or at least we should ignore them and hope they go away.

6. My favourite record this week is "Full House" by Wes Montgomery. If you do not own a copy it is because there is something wrong with you. I was kidding about the puppies. Their meat is stringy.