Saturday, April 15, 2006

Beastly Number


Thank you, dear spouse, for tagging me. Thank you, Dexter, for crawling on my chest while I try to type this, and for bringing your crusty ass within sniffing distance of my face. I feel, at last, that I belong... ah, until I read Dutch's next post, whereupon I will bemoan my renewed feelings of deep inadequacy.

I can scarce think of three things about me which are unknown to you, or which may be of interest to anyone but me. Nonetheless, and having read Jason's response, I will begin my list, starting at 1 and going upwards in number until I am done, with the number being in the range of 3 to 6.

1. I have a morbid fear of public washrooms. It's not so much the bacteria I imagine swimming up my piss stream at the urinal, or the rat which will burrow up into my colon when I rest uneasily on or slightly above the throne, nor is it the multitude of offending smells - it's the fear of embarrassment. I leave that to your capable imagination.

2. I love puppies. They taste best with a peanut chili sauce.

3. It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail. (TY, Oscar Wilde)

4. I love spiders and I dislike insects, except the ones which are helpful in my garden. I have pulled off the highway to remove wind-blasted arachnid from my rearview mirrors for careful placement on roadside flora. I will not kill a spider but I hunt down ants and crush them like the bugs they are.

5. I cannot stand pretentious people, or people whom I believe are pretentious, holier-than-thou shits for brains. I want to confront these people and knee them in the gonads. There is no reasoning with them. I believe I am a pretentious holier-than-thou so and so just for holding this particular belief (that of a false superiority, the sense I can somehow improve others' pathetic and worthless lives merely by sharing, unbidden, my insights) which makes for some mildly entertaining internal dialogues, and some reasonably amusing external dialogues. While my adherence to this principle is noted mostly in the breach I believe it takes all kinds to make this earth, and we need to be tolerant of others, or at least we should ignore them and hope they go away.

6. My favourite record this week is "Full House" by Wes Montgomery. If you do not own a copy it is because there is something wrong with you. I was kidding about the puppies. Their meat is stringy.

5 Comments:

Blogger MrsFortune said...

Haha, so a meme can make a really really funny post, after all.

5:10 PM  
Blogger mo-wo said...

He is so not kidding on #4. I think that some serious weed once kicked in during a particularly powerful Geog 101 lecture p-man attended. This guy is convinced that someday spiders will take over the world and make him king!

What I find freakiest about this is its potential for any accuracy...

11:12 PM  
Blogger Granny said...

Sometime I'll tell the story of my one and only ride on an outside elevator. Much like your balloon.

We don't drink (although that was not always the case) so the Martinelli's hangover was a little surprising. The other kind, I'd all but forgotten.

11:12 PM  
Blogger L. said...

That Christian-motif spider is really freaking me out.

Onward, Christian spiders!

12:15 AM  
Anonymous MetroDad said...

Oh p-man. Just HEARING about your love of spiders incites inner arachnaphobia. How? Why? Is mo-wo right? Was it the weed?

By the way, you were right the first time about the puppies. They really are good with a peanut chili sauce! And no, they don't taste like chicken. Surprisingly, more like deer or buffalo. Ok, I'll shut up now.

1:50 PM  

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