Wednesday, May 16, 2007

King of Tonga

I'm not going to say it's the hardest it's going to be. I'm not going to check out any books from the library to solve my problem. But I do have to say this is hard. We have two babies. They're not twins, not even the Irish kind, but they are both young and this is hard.

We have days where the way things are seems too challenging. Tonight in the bath they laughed themselves silly and everything was right with the world. Yesterday the toddler sabotaged her brother's nap with repeated head rapping with a balloon. We had a schedule to keep it was NOT OK. At times we yell at her and hate ourselves after. Looking after a crawling, climbing, falling, whining, crying, drooling, food splattering little person is hard. We try out damndest to stay 'up to it.' His sister is, understandably, not always up to it.

The levelling of discipline is shaky business. We have our rules. "No hitting, No pushing, No shouting." These are "Not allowed". They sort of work. Oh yes and naptime is 1-3 and no covering peoples heads, "that's where we keep all the good stuff! Gentle" For the most part our daughter's twoness is in hand. She is light on the tantrums and we haven't had to leave the playground so often for sand throwing. She doesn't push her brother unless he pushes her first pretty much. Ditto on the spitting, so you can imagine how that is going.

I want to be my daughter's teacher and not lose my temper with her but it is happening. The alternative is this weird place of resignation where she makes mistakes and we cross our fingers that she won't be a total brat. Our little family is one tiring enterprise. It really isn't the fourteen meals a day or the potty breaks or the games and activities. It is the mental anguish of imperfection. It is the effort to fight temptations of resignation to inadequacy. Having one child was a lot like running a corporation, I could do it. Having two? That's a bit more like being a Head of State. I don't know that I am up to it.



Blogger Mad said...

You know, Mo-wo, I am a firm believer that part of good discipline is having a child see that you aren't always up to the task, that you have to let go and simply hope for the best. People often talk about children having not enough structure or inadequate boundaries but you seldom hear them talking about too much of it all (unless the kids are older and talk turns to too much soccer, dance, and piano). I really, truly, whole-heartedly believe that it does a kid good to see her parents fail and be inconsistent. If a mother never, ever yells at her child, how does the child ever learn that a) the mother is human, b) the mother loves her and c) that the rules alone cannot provide structure and so she had better start bringing reason into the mix. Does this make sense?

Anyhoo, there was hardly any snow at all, oh Vancouverite who just couldn't resist a little dig.

6:41 a.m.  
Blogger Crunchy Carpets said...

Ditto to Mad Hatter....
You can only be the parent you are..not what you THINK you should be.
Two IS hard.
Two is a constant juggle.
It doesn't really get better...sorry babe.
At almost 3 and 5..I feel like the head of the UN....totally useless at getting the different sides to agree to anything.

They fight, they taunt..but they also love each other and know they are loved by their flawed parents and especially their frazzled mom who shouts too much but does apologize.

The inmates DO run the asylum here.

11:12 a.m.  
Blogger Lumpyheadsmom said...

"In Tonga, everything is in miniature except the king," but I prefer the quote "The smaller the country, the bigger the leader."

(This is what the hell I'm talking about.)

12:06 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are doing FINE, and they will grow up and it WILL get easier.. different, and still hard, but EASIER than the baby spit-up potty training part. When babies are weaned (at whenever is right for them and you) you can even get an overnight of babysitting. You need to take care of YOU. It does get easier, imho.

7:17 a.m.  

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